I am a river

A poem to remember to flow with what is.

I am a river,

I am not the rocks that block the flow.

I am a river,

I move with the current of life.

I am not the things I think I am,

A mother, creative, wife, autistic, women.

I hold no labels,

I am the water that moves me.

When I cling to what I think I am,

Who I have been told I should be,

I fall apart.

I become a rock in the river of myself.

I feel contained, trapped, stuck,

I start to think I have to be a certain way,

I think I have to do certain things,

I look longing at the river.

I forget I am the river,

but I allow its current to bring me back home,

I loosen my grip on my identities

and I flow once again.

I am not the things I think I am.

I am the river.

I drift with what is.

I do not argue with reality,

I welcome what is with open arms.

I refuse to define myself,

I come back to what is undying, unchanging inside of me,

inside of all of us,

the river.

I am the river,

You are the river.

I let the water carry me home.

- I am a river by Emma Del Rey

This poem was inspired by a line I read in a book by Ben Connelly, Inside the Grass Hut. In this book, Connelly breaks down line by line a classic Zen poem by Shitou. Connelly talked about something the author of the Zen poem intended,

“Shitou just builds a place that’s so simple he won’t become attached to it.”

I wrote in my journal…

Build a sense of self so simple, you do not become attached to it.

What would that look like?

Being a person who flows with what is and does not argue with reality.

Then, the above poem was born.

You are the river, not the rocks.

Flow on.

Emma

Welcome to Being in Motherhood, I’m a writer, artist, and mother constantly redefining myself. I write about being human while navigating motherhood, neurodivergence and living a full creative life. I believe reflection and compassion can change the world, the way we see things, and how we be here.

I invite you to join the Creative Circle, my paid subscriber space. We gather each month to talk about writing and creativity, share what we are working on, and give and receive gentle, supportive feedback. This time together fuels the creative revolution of women whose ideas, words, and self-expressions are birthed around the edges of motherhood.

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