Keeping a passion is the way back to yourself

Volume 25 of Unspoken Words: Breeann Adam

Welcome to the Unspoken Words series, held at Being in Motherhood. This series focuses on giving mothers space to share their unspoken words about motherhood; the things that are hard, taboo, scary to admit, etc., I ask mothers to share with me and I share them with you.

If you are looking for more of the Unspoken Words series, you can find other pieces here.

I am excited to introduce

Breeann Adam

, you can connect with her at Just Write Mama.

About Breeann

I’m Breeann Adam and I write my own Substack at Just Write Mama. I write short essays on motherhood, foster care, adoption, parenting, creativity, and life. I have been a mom for five years. As far as how many kids I have, well, I never know how I want to answer the question. I have three forever children; the two oldest are now 15 and 9 years old and we adopted them from foster care, and our youngest is 4 months old and she is our biological daughter.

Over the years, we have parented six other children through the foster care system as well. We have an active foster care license, so we technically could parent more children at any time. I consider myself a mom of many through foster care, adoption, and biology. My heart holds all of my children every day, regardless of where they are in the world.

What is one thing that is hard for you to admit about motherhood?

It’s hard for me to admit I can’t be all things to my children and admit I have very real limitations that I am reminded of every single day. It’s one of the hardest feelings to know and recognize what one of my children need in any given moment and also be simultaneously aware that I can’t be the person to provide it.

What is another thing that is hard for you to admit about motherhood?

Sometimes being an introverted mom is one of the hardest things to reconcile. I simply love being alone, and that is in direct contrast to the demands of motherhood most of the time. I find myself wanting to be gone, away, by myself - not because of anything my children are doing or not doing, but just because it is my personality that I have had since birth. This can make me feel like a bad mom or think something is wrong with me.

I feel guilty about this trait on many days. I sometimes feel confused why I wanted (and still want) to be a mother so badly if I also love being alone so often. Who would want to be away from their children when their children are being sweet and kind? It takes a lot of effort to remind myself (and them) that this feeling has nothing to do with them, but it is just how mama is wired. I love my children fiercely, and I have built my family from love itself. I also love spending time alone. It’s often challenging to hold these facts simultaneously.

Share any other thoughts that are hard for you to admit about motherhood.

Another hard truth about having children has been the decrease in time, real conversation, and bonding with my spouse that has occurred since children. I love watching him be a dad. He is an incredible dad, and every child who has been in our home is so blessed to have had him in their life. We have created such a beautiful family and I wouldn’t trade it for the world. He is also my best friend, and I deeply miss our younger selves who could stay up all night talking (and not regret it the next day), go on date nights and vacations, and just enjoy each other more often.

What truth(s) has motherhood taught you?

This one might sound cliche, but motherhood has taught me that being a mom is truly the hardest job in the world. There is nothing more demanding, consuming, and life-changing that I have experienced before or since. Yet, it also the most beautiful, rewarding, and transformative job I’ve ever had as well. It’s a paradoxical experience, full of “both/and” every single day.

What does it feel like to be in motherhood in this season?

Motherhood in this season, wow. I am 4 months postpartum with my biological daughter, while also parenting my teenager and middle kiddo. It feels like a whirlwind of demands every day and also it feels like I’m surrounded by beautiful chaos. I love watching my older kids make silly faces at the baby. I love watching the baby squirm and giggle. My oldest started high school and they are trying so many new things, and I’m so proud of their bravery. My middle faces a lot of challenges and yet he greets every day with happiness and joy. Motherhood in this season feels like it’s too much and motherhood in this season is exactly what I always wanted.

What advice, words up support, or encouragement would you give to other mothers out there?

Keep one interest/hobby/passion for yourself. If you had ten hobbies before you had kids, maybe you don’t have time for nine of them anymore, but you absolutely have to keep one of them. Even if it’s just 15 minutes a day that you paint, read, garden, watch a show, run, write - whatever it is, do it. It’s so easy to get lost in motherhood, but keeping a passion is your way back to yourself.

Is there anything else you feel called to share about your experience of motherhood?

Motherhood can look so different than traditional biological motherhood, and it’s all hard, beautiful, unique, exhausting, wonderful, and worth it. I became a mother through foster care, adoption, and biology, and each of those motherhood experiences have shaped me in different ways. When I was a child, I never could have imagined I would have the family I have now. Keep an open mind in your motherhood journey, and you just might unexpectedly discover some of your life’s greatest gifts.

Thank you Breeann for sharing your words with us.

I appreciated you highlighting the different ways you have become a mother, it is beautiful reminder how many different forms motherhood comes in. I also appreciated you sharing how you want to spend most of your time alone, because me too. I have to constantly remind myself this is how I am wired and I am not a bad mother because of the space I need. Again, thank you for sharing.

Emma

Please share in the comments or reply to this email your own reflections and/or support of Breeann sharing her words.

This is a space where we can say the hard things about motherhood and life, while lifting each other up in love and support. I have found this community of mothers to be extremely compassionate and welcoming.

I invite you to share this post with a mother who may needs these reminders.