“Often we offer compassion to others because we find more ease in being with someone else’s discomfort than our own.” This is so true — I think it’s because internal discomfort hurts more! So then it’s harder to soothe. A great reminder for us to be kind to ourselves 🫶🏻
Thank you for your thoughts, experience and practices you share here Emma. Learning self compassion has been huge for me in both my sobriety and motherhood journeys. I took an 8 week mindful self compassion course when River was a year old and it really has changed my life. I often use Kristen Neff's 5 minute self compassion break - she has lots of meditations and practices free on her website which are great.
It feels like such a radical practice because it's the opposite of what so many of us were taught. It's hard to let go of the belief that self-criticism is the way to self-improvement and a way to avoid ever making mistakes. And that self critical part needs compassion to - it's so understandable that we've developed that, when it's likely that, as kids, our 'mistakes' were met with anger, shaming, humiliation, rejection by the adults in our life when we were kids. But it really is the most worthwhile practice, I've found.
In the years when I was drinking, I would constantly beat myself up. And I stayed trapped in addiction. When I started to bring myself self-compassion when I drank - 'it's OK, that's what you thought you needed, you can start again, I love you' - it changed everything. Finally, releasing myself from alcohol's grip was possible for me.
In motherhood I'm still working on it, to be totally honest!! When River wakes in the night, often I still berate myself as if it's my fault he doesn't sleep 'well'. But when I bring that self compassion in and say 'Ellie, this is so hard. It's OK. I love you.' - my whole body softens, as you say. It's the softening of safety.
It does feel radical because it is the opposite of what so many of us were taught and learned to be with ourselves. I find my self-critical part needs the most compassion from me. I loved learning that self-compassion is part of what helped you release alcohol. I am with you, it is hard to let go of my kiddo not sleeping well being some sort of reflection on me. Yes, self-compassion softens it all and when we can allow ourselves to be compassionate with ourselves even the most unbearable things feel a bit more bearable. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings.
“Often we offer compassion to others because we find more ease in being with someone else’s discomfort than our own.” This is so true — I think it’s because internal discomfort hurts more! So then it’s harder to soothe. A great reminder for us to be kind to ourselves 🫶🏻
Internal discomfort hurts so much more. Thank you 💜
Thank you, Emma! ❤️
You’re welcome ❤️
Thank you for your thoughts, experience and practices you share here Emma. Learning self compassion has been huge for me in both my sobriety and motherhood journeys. I took an 8 week mindful self compassion course when River was a year old and it really has changed my life. I often use Kristen Neff's 5 minute self compassion break - she has lots of meditations and practices free on her website which are great.
It feels like such a radical practice because it's the opposite of what so many of us were taught. It's hard to let go of the belief that self-criticism is the way to self-improvement and a way to avoid ever making mistakes. And that self critical part needs compassion to - it's so understandable that we've developed that, when it's likely that, as kids, our 'mistakes' were met with anger, shaming, humiliation, rejection by the adults in our life when we were kids. But it really is the most worthwhile practice, I've found.
In the years when I was drinking, I would constantly beat myself up. And I stayed trapped in addiction. When I started to bring myself self-compassion when I drank - 'it's OK, that's what you thought you needed, you can start again, I love you' - it changed everything. Finally, releasing myself from alcohol's grip was possible for me.
In motherhood I'm still working on it, to be totally honest!! When River wakes in the night, often I still berate myself as if it's my fault he doesn't sleep 'well'. But when I bring that self compassion in and say 'Ellie, this is so hard. It's OK. I love you.' - my whole body softens, as you say. It's the softening of safety.
It does feel radical because it is the opposite of what so many of us were taught and learned to be with ourselves. I find my self-critical part needs the most compassion from me. I loved learning that self-compassion is part of what helped you release alcohol. I am with you, it is hard to let go of my kiddo not sleeping well being some sort of reflection on me. Yes, self-compassion softens it all and when we can allow ourselves to be compassionate with ourselves even the most unbearable things feel a bit more bearable. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings.