Do your pelvic floor exercises
Volume 21 of Unspoken Words: Charlotte
Welcome to the Unspoken Words series, held at Being in Motherhood. This series focuses on giving mothers space to share their unspoken words about motherhood; the things that are hard, taboo, scary to admit, etc., I ask mothers to share with me and I share them with you.
I have decided to hold this series in the Spring and Fall seasons, so I am publishing these last few posts and taking a break from collecting responses in the Summer.
If you are looking for more of the Unspoken Words series, you can find other pieces here.
I am excited to introduce
, you can connect with her at Baby Brain.About Charlotte
Hi! I'm Charlotte, and I'm a mum of three under five. In a former life I lived in London, went to the theatre on a whim, ate out every night. Now, I thrive on routine, and can be found in a rotation of five different locations daily. Motherhood has been the breaking and the making of me, and although I don't love every moment, I try to find something to cherish in every day of it.
What is one thing that is hard for you to admit about motherhood?
My oldest child responds to a different parenting style to the younger two, and sometimes I feel like I'm failing him because of it. The youngest are very cuddly, very reliant and in need of a lot more from me than he ever was, he's a lot more hands off and independent - I wonder at times if that's something I created in him, and I worry that he doesn't feel as loved.
What is another thing that is hard for you to admit about motherhood?
It can be incredibly boring. My phone comes out a lot more than I'm happy with!
Share any other thoughts that are hard for you to admit about motherhood.
It is not enough for me. I'm not someone that is entirely fulfilled by motherhood - I need other things to round out my life, which I do at times feels incredibly guilty about. I love them with my entire being and feel that should be enough, but I have other passions, and I need to learn to be ok with that.
What truth(s) has motherhood taught you?
You don't owe your own parents your loyalty if they've not held up their end of the bargain. Before children, I bought into the "I did my best" line unconditionally, but I don't anymore. It is not your best if you're not reflecting on your own bad behaviours and striving to be better, it's just bad parenting with an excuse attached.
What does it feel like to be in motherhood in this season?
Chaotic, sometimes overwhelming, but magical all the same.
What advice, words up support, or encouragement would you give to other mothers out there?
Knowledge is power - if there's something you're unsure on in any stage of your journey, do the research. You don't have to take advice that doesn't sit well with you. You don't have to enjoy every moment. Do your pelvic floor exercises. Be selfish from time to time. You will be FINE.
Is there anything else you feel called to share about your experience of motherhood?
I had postnatal depression and was left with physical and emotional trauma after my first experience with breastfeeding. There's such a stigma around such things still, so I like to shout it loud and let others know they're not alone. I breastfed my follow up babies and found it very healing, also, so I guess I'd also say don't be afraid to try again if something doesn't work the first time - you might surprise yourself.
Thank you Charlotte for sharing your words with us.
I appreciated you sharing about how motherhood is not enough for you, I know a lot of mothers in this space feel the same way. If anything, I have found motherhood calls me into more wholeness and to explore different parts of myself. Thank your for sharing yourself with this community.
Love,
Emma
Please share in the comments or reply to this email your own reflections and/or support of Charlotte sharing her words.
This is a space where we can say the hard things about motherhood and life, while lifting each other up in love and support. I have found this community of mothers to be extremely compassionate and welcoming.
I invite you to share this post with a mother who may needs these reminders.
I agree, motherhood is not enough for me, and we need to stop putting that expectation on ourselves and others. We are such multifaceted beings and the way our individualistic cultures are organized means we have so much less of 'the village' than we used to, which leaves less freedom and possibility and space for the business of figuring out who we are aside of our children, being the woman first and mother second (even though of course motherhood informs every decision we make in life especially when our babies are young.) Sending you love and saying it's ok to yearn for more, and I understand that sometimes the only way to claw out of an extremely slow, boring or difficult moment is to reach for the phone. You're doing great mama!
It’s like I’m reading my own words! Thanks for sharing your experiences. So glad we have Substack and this community to explore and find support for our other passions beyond motherhood.