How to cope when the world feels terrifying and we have humans to raise

Practices I am instilling in my son and myself to help us feel grounded and present as we face this messy world together.

Welcome, I hope Summer is allowing you space to fill your cup and bask in the sunshine. This writing is an exploration around the state of the world and raising our children. This topic raises a lot of anxiety in me, and if the same is true for you, I invite you to be gentle with yourself and take deep breaths as you read.

I am deep into reading The Myth of Normal by Gabor Maté and I am digesting hundreds of pages of information confirming the state of the world is messy.

Climate change, politics, diseases, racism, sexism, bullying. I could go on and on about the things I worry about in this world, but I keep thinking about my son. What is going to become of this world? What is he going to experience? How do I prepare him for what may lie ahead when it is probably unlike anything I have faced in my lifetime?

There is a part of me that has comfortably kept these fears away from my consciousness for the past two years. I do not read the news regularly, I tend to keep my sensitive system away from information I know will send me spiraling. So, while I have known the state of the world is a mess, I have been insulated.

Reading this book has opened my mind to more information, and I kind of wish I could close it back up. My anxiety has sky rocketed. And for some reason, I cannot turn away. I keep thinking about what is going to happen to the world, what is going to happen to my son?

I got my first taste of this sheer existential dread as a child when I started to fear I would die. I would have images pop into my five year old mind of troops storming the street of my neighborhood killing anyone in sight. I would lie in bed at night, terrified, worrying about my whole family dying, and what happens when you die.

(A few years ago, I had a past life regression reading and turns out my most impactful past life included my small town being taken over by troops murdering everyone in sight, I was the last one to die in my family and I was five years old. My mind was blown.)

I got my second taste of existential dread when I flew with my son for the first, second, and third time. I was not worried about me, I was not worried about the plane crashing, I was worried about the possibility of having to face the fear in my son’s eyes as we plummeted to our death and there was nothing I could do to protect him.

I refuse to fly because I cannot face the anxiety it brings up. It feels bigger than me and I do not think I can handle being on a plane until I learn to be in relationship more with these feelings of fear.

It is not just death and the threat of everything in the world, I am also afraid of other people. Recently in our outings, kids seem to notice and want to interact with my son. Multiple times kids have bullied him, told him what he can or cannot do, or been too aggressive with his body. And I have been fuming.

While I intervene when necessary, and speak up for my son because he is two and he is still finding his words, I worry. What will this world do to him? What will other kids say to him? What will happen when I am not around?

All this worry, all this dread are big fat reminders I am human and possibly, written slightly sadly with a bit of shame it took me so long to understand, my son is a human too.

Life is going to touch him. And although my anxiety tells me, I need to protect him, kick down bullies for him, and never let him out of my sight, I am not sure that is what is best for him, or me. Because I am trying to reinforce and establish some sort of control, and I am not in control.

While I can do my best to lessen my impact on the planet, I cannot control climate change. While I can stand up for what I believe is right and disengage from things I do not believe in, I do not control politics or racism or any of the problems I listed above. I do not have a say in how the world pans out over the course of my lifetime or my son’s lifetime.

But what do I have control over?

My breath. Just writing this is raising my blood pressure and my anxiety.

I have control over how I show up and what I teach my son.

How we move forward

These instances of other kids bullying him has provoked a lot of conversation around standing up for oneself, listening to our bodies, and our needs. Conversations I thought I would have more time before they were relevant for my little human.

The other day at the playground, when some little girl told my son he needs to climb down a pole, he looked at her and said, “no, me slide,” and he went right down. When I received him at the end, I told him that is how you stand up for yourself and you listen to your body. It may have been my proudest mom moment to date.

He heard me. He heard what I was saying and was able to translate that into action. He also watches me. I stand up for what I need, I ask for the time I need, I set boundaries around my body with him. I do all of this so he knows how to respect himself and other people. It is what I believe is going to help him in the world he is going to face as he grows.

I think the greatest resource we have to face the strains we are facing from the outer world is mindfulness, breath, and meditation. Or any practice that allows one to connect with themselves, drop deep into their body and the present moment.

This is the way forward. This is how we ignite our own healing which ripples out into the world, which ripples out to our families, and to our children.

I find myself tired lately of all I am trying to control and move forward in my life. I find this existential dread and anxiety, normal and natural, but also exhausting. I cannot make it go away and I am not trying to.

I am learning how to be in relationship to it.

This is why I wanted to write about it because I am certain I am not the only one who wonders or worries about the state of the world. I know I am not alone and I want to share how natural it is to feel anxious when we are facing unprecedented times.

I wanted to offer something I have been chewing on, not staying in the anxiety. When it arises, I tend to it, I do not listen to the thoughts it spits out and I do my best to not let myself spin into dread. I take action, I move my body, I do a sound bath or a yoga nidra, I try to find a way to invite relaxation in.

I also remind myself of what I have control over. I can worry about the world and how it will impact my son or I can focus on raising my son in a way that prepares him for anything. To me, this means he will be able to be with himself, slow down, and experience the present moment and whatever is there.

I have started to listen to sounds baths with him before bed, to introduce the ideas of relaxation and stillness. I want him to grow to feel comfortable being in his body and slowing down to embrace each moment. Kids have no problem with this, I want to start early with practices so it is something that stays part of who he is, and not something he has to reclaim later.

For myself, I focus on my breath a lot, I show my son how to take deep breaths. I remind myself kindness and a connection to ourselves is going to change the world. I remind myself my son is here to do something to serve this world and ripple love and kindness through it. I remind myself I am here to do the same. So, I focus on ways I can serve.

I do not want my son to hide from life, I do not want fear to send him into panic, although I know there may be times when he feels that way. I want him to feel prepared to handle anything. I focus on mindfulness, I focus on awareness of feelings, I focus on listening to the body to help teach him, and myself right alongside him, how to stay embody in life.

Because even thought the world feels terrifying at times, I remind myself it is also beautiful. All the beautiful souls here, sharing their words and their light. I remind myself many people are doing everything they can to leave this planet better than they found it. And I remind myself, I am not just this body and I am not of this earth. When my times comes, I know my soul will continue on.

I come back to my breath, over and over again, I come back to my connection to Nature. I come back to my connection to myself. I feel my feel planted firmly on this earth. I remind myself everything is okay in this moment, right now I am safe. I trust I am held by something greater than me, I call it Love, and it helps me feel less alone.

How do you cope in these trying times? How do you create a relationship to your anxiety? What do you prioritize teaching your children? How do you care for yourself?

Please share what is alive for you in the comments or reply to this email.

Love,

Emma

In our paid space, we are talking about Summer energy, how to ground ourselves and stay present in our bodies and our experiences. If you have the means, I invite you to dive deeper with me and other mothers by becoming a paid member for $6 a month. I am creating community where we explore intimate conversations around motherhood and being.

Recent writings you might have missed…

• Rejecting normalcy and embracing how we each are uniquely wired - an exploration on how trying to fit in hurt me over and over again, and how I am starting to learn how to embrace the way I am in all its beauty.

• Read Volumes of the Unspoken Words where mothers share their experiences of what is hard for them in this season of motherhood.

• Read the first Motherhood Musings Collection where mothers share the differences between their expectations and realities of motherhood.