Bravo and thank you! The first part of this piece feels like the words my late-discovered autistic husband shared with me over and over again during this past year as he discovered his own autism through crisis much like your own, revealing a lifetime of masking and also a great relief of no longer needing to fix himself.
And the second part of this piece feels like a brave war cry that I want to join: it is enough to simply show up as who you are, who we are, and share our art. It is enough.
I keep "accidentally" reading articles on how to make a successful substack and then I get this icky creepy crawly feeling and I close the tab. I take a deep breath and hear my heart say to me, "Just write. The rest will be exactly as it needs to be."
I love all of this so much. I am reminding myself to show up and just write all the time, but my brain slips into so many other ideas that I think are what I should want but are not what I want or need.
Resonate hard with all this. It's one of the reasons I've stopped writing here as much for now. Everything in me craves a building of small, personal connections, to learn more about autism and to be more in my body and less in my head trying to find words to post on here. I'm going with it for now, and leaning into exploring the things that I want to explore without sharing them online. I'm beginning to feel more content than I have in ages.
Wow, your comment feels like exactly where I am. I have barely been here and writing, well compared to what I used to be doing and slowing down, listening to myself, and exploring a lot of new creative avenues has me more content than ever.
I related to almost every word of that Emma. I too hold space for a lot of people and am coming to understand myself as a neurodivergent mother. I’m also exhausted! All the best with your onward journey
I’m new here, hi! And wanted to say I see you and your experience makes so much sense! I enjoyed reading this - feels like a tender but determined step into a new direction in different ways. It’s courageous and necessary, I know.
All the things. Cheering you on. I got my diagnosis two years ago. Absolute game changer. Mom to neurodivergent kids. Here’s to creating a life that fits who we actually are. ❤️❤️❤️
Hey Emma! Thank you for writing this. I have o my just come across you but I hear so much of my own journey here (diagnosis in 2022) which has been filled with deconstructing my life, gender and career post diagnosis because I realised my masking was going to kill me. I am so happy you have got to understand this about yourself, I hope you go gently because it’s a lot but it’s also a wonderful process of really meeting yourself. I would massively recommend the book unmasking autism by Dr Devon Price. Welcome to the best community of humans ❤️
I just ordered that book! I had the same feeling and still have that masking is going to kill me and I need to unlearn all the ways I have been trying to do it. Thank you for sharing your experiences with me. Thank you so much.
Your writing brought me to tears this morning. There were so many moments where I was like “same” and “same” and “same.” It’s a brave and honorable (and badass) thing to decide to make a change that honors your truth and your capacity… even if it impacts others. Part of the reason I’ve been dragging my feet on SO many projects is the fear of - what if I change my mind? But you my dear are giving me and so many others the permission to start something even if we can’t predict the outcome. I hope you are finding peace and a love that you didn’t know was possible with your diagnosis as well. Sending love.
Your comment is making me cry. I have changed my mind SO many times and I have had to learn to let it be okay, part of the process and not some sort of moral failing on my part. I ma finding a lot of peace, peace I did not know was possible.
Thank you so much for this read, Emma, and for your honesty. I resonated a lot with "being good at giving space", and I'm really glad you included this. I think a lot of women in particular struggle with owning their true feelings, in pursuit of what others might want. Sometimes we want everyone around us to be so comfortable and so pleased, that we forget ourselves. I know I have struggled with this for many years, and I still continue to put my own feelings underneath others sometimes. So thank you for shedding some light on this for me ❤️
Beautiful Emma, I have followed you on a distance for a while, not engaging much with Substack at all lately. But as this email found my inbox I opened it right away and feel such a deep empathy for the place you are in right now, having had someone very close go through a similar process (as in finding out about their autism). What a journey it has been for you and what a journey ahead. Thank you for sharing this and for allowing your words to pour out, just as they are, just as you are. Wish you all the best as you're moving into a new phase of life, whatever that entails. Love.
You have so much confidence in this essay (at least I read it that way) — it’s like your brain has been unlocked and unleashed 👏🏼 Rly excited to read more about your experiences, as always 🩵
Oh, I definitely felt confident writing it, like I was clearing something out and confessing something all at the same time. Thank you for being here and supporting me.
I am so glad to see you are taking time for yourself! What a big discovery. You are so brave. I have often wondered if I have some kind of neurodivergence as well as I fit many of the qualities.
Bravo and thank you! The first part of this piece feels like the words my late-discovered autistic husband shared with me over and over again during this past year as he discovered his own autism through crisis much like your own, revealing a lifetime of masking and also a great relief of no longer needing to fix himself.
And the second part of this piece feels like a brave war cry that I want to join: it is enough to simply show up as who you are, who we are, and share our art. It is enough.
I keep "accidentally" reading articles on how to make a successful substack and then I get this icky creepy crawly feeling and I close the tab. I take a deep breath and hear my heart say to me, "Just write. The rest will be exactly as it needs to be."
Thank you, I can't wait to see what's next
I love all of this so much. I am reminding myself to show up and just write all the time, but my brain slips into so many other ideas that I think are what I should want but are not what I want or need.
Yes really resonates with me, great piece of writing x
Thank you so much, thank you for reading.
Resonate hard with all this. It's one of the reasons I've stopped writing here as much for now. Everything in me craves a building of small, personal connections, to learn more about autism and to be more in my body and less in my head trying to find words to post on here. I'm going with it for now, and leaning into exploring the things that I want to explore without sharing them online. I'm beginning to feel more content than I have in ages.
Wow, your comment feels like exactly where I am. I have barely been here and writing, well compared to what I used to be doing and slowing down, listening to myself, and exploring a lot of new creative avenues has me more content than ever.
I related to almost every word of that Emma. I too hold space for a lot of people and am coming to understand myself as a neurodivergent mother. I’m also exhausted! All the best with your onward journey
Thank you, I see your exhaustion, I understand. I wish you the best as well.
I’m new here, hi! And wanted to say I see you and your experience makes so much sense! I enjoyed reading this - feels like a tender but determined step into a new direction in different ways. It’s courageous and necessary, I know.
Thank you for being here and for reading! It is a determined step in a new direction.
All the things. Cheering you on. I got my diagnosis two years ago. Absolute game changer. Mom to neurodivergent kids. Here’s to creating a life that fits who we actually are. ❤️❤️❤️
YES, creating a life that actually fits who we are.
My parts feel like liberation is more possible reading your words. I’m here for whatever you need this to be 💞
This brought tears to my eyes, thank you.
Hey Emma! Thank you for writing this. I have o my just come across you but I hear so much of my own journey here (diagnosis in 2022) which has been filled with deconstructing my life, gender and career post diagnosis because I realised my masking was going to kill me. I am so happy you have got to understand this about yourself, I hope you go gently because it’s a lot but it’s also a wonderful process of really meeting yourself. I would massively recommend the book unmasking autism by Dr Devon Price. Welcome to the best community of humans ❤️
I just ordered that book! I had the same feeling and still have that masking is going to kill me and I need to unlearn all the ways I have been trying to do it. Thank you for sharing your experiences with me. Thank you so much.
Your writing brought me to tears this morning. There were so many moments where I was like “same” and “same” and “same.” It’s a brave and honorable (and badass) thing to decide to make a change that honors your truth and your capacity… even if it impacts others. Part of the reason I’ve been dragging my feet on SO many projects is the fear of - what if I change my mind? But you my dear are giving me and so many others the permission to start something even if we can’t predict the outcome. I hope you are finding peace and a love that you didn’t know was possible with your diagnosis as well. Sending love.
Your comment is making me cry. I have changed my mind SO many times and I have had to learn to let it be okay, part of the process and not some sort of moral failing on my part. I ma finding a lot of peace, peace I did not know was possible.
Thank you so much for this read, Emma, and for your honesty. I resonated a lot with "being good at giving space", and I'm really glad you included this. I think a lot of women in particular struggle with owning their true feelings, in pursuit of what others might want. Sometimes we want everyone around us to be so comfortable and so pleased, that we forget ourselves. I know I have struggled with this for many years, and I still continue to put my own feelings underneath others sometimes. So thank you for shedding some light on this for me ❤️
Yes to wanting everyone else to be okay, we forget that includes ourselves. I am grateful this is supportive for you! You are so welcome.
Beautiful Emma, I have followed you on a distance for a while, not engaging much with Substack at all lately. But as this email found my inbox I opened it right away and feel such a deep empathy for the place you are in right now, having had someone very close go through a similar process (as in finding out about their autism). What a journey it has been for you and what a journey ahead. Thank you for sharing this and for allowing your words to pour out, just as they are, just as you are. Wish you all the best as you're moving into a new phase of life, whatever that entails. Love.
Thank you for reading Klara and thank you for seeing me!
You have so much confidence in this essay (at least I read it that way) — it’s like your brain has been unlocked and unleashed 👏🏼 Rly excited to read more about your experiences, as always 🩵
Oh, I definitely felt confident writing it, like I was clearing something out and confessing something all at the same time. Thank you for being here and supporting me.
From one autistic mom to another, welcome to the club 😊❤️ there's a lot of us! I've got loads of resources I can share if/when you're interested.
I am definitely interested, feel free to email me (it should be linked at the end of this post)
Thank you so much for sharing and your authentic words 🙏🏻😘
I hear you ...when I read the words..."The part of me that is really uncomfortable in social settings,
The part of me that always says exactly what I am thinking or feeling,
The parts of me easily overwhelmed by light, smells, and sounds,
The part of me that cannot follow a traditional path,
The part of me that does not enjoy being touched".....
I nodded in recognition to each of these... thank you making me curious too? X
You are so welcome, thank you for being here and seeing me. You are welcome for making you curious, it is something to wonder about.
Solidarity!
Thank you for supporting me.
I am so glad to see you are taking time for yourself! What a big discovery. You are so brave. I have often wondered if I have some kind of neurodivergence as well as I fit many of the qualities.
There is so much to wonder about (always happy to talk about it), I wondered for a long time. Thank you, I appreciate your support.