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Love this Emma. I write about motherhood, relationships, neurodivergence, menopauseand how they all pave the way for an individual experience even though we all have things in common.

I’m in varying seasons of motherhood as my children are 22,11,9…the eldest just left to finish his last year of neuroscience at university, my daughter is in her final year of primary school and the youngest is developing skills he has found challenging as he understands more about himself and autism. They all need different things from me, im perimenopausal so often feel like I’m failing in some way!

Iv learned to drop the drive for perfection, embrace what goes well and ride out the bumpier waves…

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Motherhood has helped me loosen my grip on perfectionism, it seems to leave no other choice. I know your homophones may be trying to convince you otherwise, but I am confident you are not failing.

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Nicola! I'm in a very different season to you but that feeling of failure is niggling at me too (even if, logically, I know it's untrue). Motherhood is hard, whatever season you're in, isn't it ❤️

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Yes it is hard no matter the season. I think that niggle will always be there, ‘did I get that right’ ‘maybe I should have done xzy instead’ ‘fuck I just acted/sounded like my mother’ ‘I’m supposed to be the cycle breaker’ ‘am I cut out for this’ blah blah blah…never ending! So I guess I’m seasoned enough in motherhood to not let the overwhelm consume me, but I do hear the niggles. I’m sure, like me, you are most definitely not failing ❤️

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Hi Emma! This is a great idea to connect with other mamas! I’m LeAnna and I write Little Bits of Everything which is, well, little bits of everything from motherhood, marriage, friendships, and all the little bits in between.

This season of motherhood feels like change. As my one year old is growing / learning rapidly and my three year old starts at home preschool, there is so much good change! While it’s all good, it’s also different and challenging as I learn to teach a toddler new skills while also wrangling and feeding into another toddler. Honestly, the change can be intimidating when I stare it in the face - How am I supposed to help both of these littles grow equally? How am I supposed to make them both feel loved? - However, I know it’ll be good. I can feel in my bones that the change will be good.

Any other mamas in a season of change?

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Thank you! I figured having it as a thread would be a great idea, so when new people come into the community they can access it, find other mothers, etc.

I deeply feel you on the season of change, something about the start of fall makes me feel change is afoot because that is what nature shows us.

It sounds like you know what their different needs are in this season, I find all I can do when things feel uncomfortable is just turn back to the basics and make sure I’m giving myself and my kiddo extra love and attention.

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Oh LeAnna, I feel this so deeply. Change seems to be the one constant in early motherhood, doesn’t it? I have a two-year-old and I have so much admiration for the mothers with two babies close in age.

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Yes, it certainly is a constant! Honestly, some days two littles is exhausting but it’s always, always, a joy!

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I have a 2 and 4-year-old (20 months apart), and reading your comment just sent me back to a year ago... You are in such a challenging season! I empathize with your questions, and I just want to encourage you to hold onto that positivity. I will say that, after four years in, I do feel like things are getting easier in big ways and harder in small ways. It's all good and normal and wonderful. You're doing great, mama! (You can read more about where I'm at right now by scrolling the thread!)

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Thank you so much for sharing!! It’s encouraging to know that others have been in this place and that there is still good growth to happen from it! 🫶🏼

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Sep 14Liked by Emma Del Rey

Emma!

I have lots of thoughts to share but the big thing in this season of mothering for me is the transition to school and full-time nursery and all the feelings that come with that!

I’ve been a mostly sahm for 2 and a half years and I do not find parenting my troublesome two easy. I guess I am hoping it will “get easier” from now on, but of course it’s not gojng to I know it isn’t. I feel this tremendous guilt at them even going to school/nursery and I think we are going through a period of everyone getting used to it to be honest! I know I need a bigger village and some support but I am finding it so hard to find in real life, although I have found so much support in receipt of my writing on substack. I’m hopeful we will get there eventually.

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I am finding it hard too to find support and community in real life, I struggle with putting myself out there. It is a big change you are going through, I can only assume it takes time to adjust, for everyone. I will be reaching out to you for guidance when my son starts nursery in a few months.

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Hi Emma!

This season of motherhood feels like holding with a looser grasp. For the last ten years, I've been intimately involved with nearly every minute detail of my children's lives as a SAHM and then a homeschooler. My sons (9 + 10) have just started school and I feel myself letting go of that need to know everything, be everything, and provide everything they need and allowing myself to partner with others who want to help raise them. It's disorienting and it's also exactly what we all need right now.

What's sitting on my heart right now is that many of my homeschool friends did not support the choice for my children to begin school. It hurts and it's caused a huge shift in my relationships lately.

The most heartwarming part of motherhood in this season is seeing the joy and excitement my kids have when they return home from school each day, bursting with things to tell me about their days. I haven't had that experience much in these last ten years, and I'm loving it.

The most frustrating part of motherhood in this season is trying to find pockets of time to connect now that we don't spend nearly as much time together as we once did. But I'm slowly getting the hang of it and I think ultimately smaller pockets of focused, intentional quality time might prove more beneficial than simply sharing the same space and not always connecting on purpose.

Thanks for asking these thought-provoking questions!

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You are welcome for these questions, thank you for answering. What I am hearing you say is this season is new and challenging but it also filled with joy and excitement. It is a big change you are all going through, and it sounds like you are navigating it with a lot of grace.

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Hi Emma, thank you for this invitation :)

I live in Lewes, East Sussex, UK and have a gorgeous little boy called River who will be 4 years old in November. I'm nearly 5 years sober, soon to launch myself as a sober coach (next week!), and I write about living a sober life with compassion and presence.

This season of motherhood feels to me so SO much more easeful than the first 2.5 years of River's life. He is just a delight and so adorable, and (unlike me!) so incredibly extroverted. I feel grateful we have another year of nursery before he starts school as I can tell that's going to be a big shift. I am finally weaning him off breastfeeding and doing it so slowly and gently. I'm so proud of myself for not doing it sooner, before he or I were ready, and not bowing to the pressure of the 'should' and our cultural norm to stop breastfeeding when children are babies.

What is frustrating, or something I find hard, is that I feel a lot of grief and shame around the fact that I realise that I still don't value my mothering anywhere near as much as I value my time when he's at nursery being productive: working, answering emails, doing housework etc. I wish I could still feel worthy and valuable spending 2 hours in the playground, in the sunshine, after nursery, but often it feels like that's almost dead time/time to kill. It makes me feel really sad and ashamed to admit that. Because of course I adore River and love spending time with him, but I've been conditioned to believe I'm only worthy when I'm being productive - so that time when everything is slowed down and I'm not 'doing' feels deeply uncomfortable for me. I wish it were different.

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Oh Ellie, one celebrating you on breastfeeding, you are on inspiration for me with Robbie. I big reason of why I want to nightwean is so I can keep going as long as it works for both of us, and I need sleep to do that. Two, I feel you immensely on the time with my kid not feeling as valuable or productive as time alone spent doing things. I am not sure how to transition on of that either, and it makes me feely quite shitty. You are not alone.

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Hi, I'm Susie I have a newsletter ever two (ish) weeks about modern motherhood that seem to resonate with the people that read it. Last one was about the merch and memes of mummy drinking culture.

I live in Glasgow and I've got two boys (six and four), life is mess, minecraft and 'I had it first'.

I think what's in my heart at the moment is knowing this is my last year with my youngest before he goes to school. I had such a difficult transition to motherhood and I absolutely know we aren't having any more kids so this is the end of an era. It's a sense of sand slipping through my fingers but also wanting to move to the next stage to see not only what his school life will be like (eldest loves it) but also what life holds for me once they're both at school. It feels like having kids is just constant transitions and self discovery!

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Yes, motherhood how is constant transitions and self discoveries. I am happy to have you here, I am excited to check out your newsletter.

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Sep 15Liked by Emma Del Rey

Hello ☺️😘

Love this welcoming thread 🙏🏻

I'm Kate and I have twin boys who are 7

I have noticed in the past it is so easy to ask myself "why am i finding parts of motherhood so hard?" or " surely this should be easier by now!".

I have now realised that a "why" question is not useful for my brain? (Cue negatice overrhinking)

As you say Emma, so wisely, "Motherhood is hard. It's hard because it's hard. I am accepting what is. Its hard... the mental mother-load, the physicality, the emotional load. Its very hard. Harder than anytging i have ever done. Give me two degrees or running a marathon any day...

I have never been a mum to 7 year old twins before. Every phase and year and day is new.

There are a-lot of glimmers with my beautiful, soft skinned, super kind, funny, quick witted, head strong, confident and energetic boys 🩵🩵... but at times I feel deep in the trenches. They hold up two large mirrors and bright spotlights to me... they trigger the little Kate who felt unheard (as I repeat myself at least 8 times for a simple task to be done!!) the anger bubbles and occasionally spills, my voice rises to echo my own mother... ooooooffffff ... the shame - that's hard. Season this with perfectionist coping strategies... it gets messy!

Love this space and your wise, comforting posts - thank you Emma 🙏🏻 .. gratitude and solidarity to you all x

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Sep 15Liked by Emma Del Rey

Hi 😊

I’m from the Canadian prairies and I’m a first time mother to Lu born 3 months ago. Motherhood feels like being pulled in opposing directions continually; I’m tired AND have enough energy to get by, I’m changed and somehow still the same, I’m soft but finding rigidity at my borders.

The hardest part is knowing that I no longer have predictability, a rhythm. He might nap for 5 min or 2 hours or not at all. I have little control over it all. My impatience and irritability surface when I haven’t had a moment to myself and I first feel shame. Then I allow myself to be human and offer some grace. Time is moving so fast that I try to stay present in it all - as difficult as it can be, I don’t want to miss it. I want to live it all.

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Oh Brittany, I feel your comment deeply. What I hear you saying is motherhood is hard and beautiful, complicated and life changing. I see you, I hear you, thank you for sharing and being here.

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First, congratulations on becoming a mama! I can barely remember when my daughters were three months (they are now 2 and 4); I think that may have been the most difficult stage of motherhood for me. The lack of sleep and self-care nearly did me in! It sounds like you're doing an amazing job, and I applaud you on recognizing your limits as a human being. Offering yourself grace is something that you will continue to do, time and time again.

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Emma I love this idea of a welcoming open thread (and I might borrow it — with credit — on Cold Coffee)

I have a two-year-old who just got diagnosed with a chronic condition and this season on motherhood feels like uncertainty.

I dont know what treatment will look like, I don't know what her future will look like, I don't know how I can give her a normal, beautiful, carefree childhood. It feels as though the only certainty is love and I hope that will be enough ❤️

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Please borrow it!

What I hear you saying is how uncertain it all feels now that your daughter was diagnosed, and you are wondering if love will be enough to get you both through it. I am sure it will be hard at times, but she is going to know how much you love her and I think that is the best gift we can give our kids.

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Kate, thank you for your kind words, I love seeing your name pop up and the sky photo! I hear you on the mirroring, I often feel unheard and oof it hurts, then my mother comes out and that usually causes me to double down on my anger because I am so disappointed in myself. Thank you for being here.

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Hi my name is Amy and I’m in California. I love to make art, write poetry and also love making lists of free resources. I a new SAHM to a 13 month old girl. It feels like an exciting time with her currently learning to walk and how to say a few words. I’m also building my mom community and making lots of new mom friends. It’s also feels exhausting because she is all over the place and getting into everything! I know the first year is usually the most challenging and it has been slowly getting easier in some ways but in other ways it’s more challenging. I hope I am doing all the things she needs to learn and grow. I remind myself everyday that she is generally a happy baby and meeting all of her milestones so we must be doing something right. The most heartwarming thing is that she gives us little hugs and snuggles or is excited to see us when we walk in the door from being away from her. Her smiles always warm my heart. The most frustrating part is that she can’t talk or sign much so sometimes it’s hard to know what she wants but I’m usually able to figure it out with my momma intuition. I’m starting to lead some free mom walks in the community and I love giving back to other moms who need support or friendship. I’m also planning to share my art and writing on Substack soon!

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Hi, mamas! I write Human/Mother (https://katrinadonhamwrites.substack.com/), a Substack that delivers human-forward personal essays on motherhood and mental health. Many of my posts revolve around childhood trauma, grief, anxiety/depression, parentification, and parenting dilemmas.

This season of motherhood feels discombobulated. My oldest is now attending pre-school full-time, five days a week, and my youngest just started a morning preschool, three days a week. I am grieving that my time as a SAHM is gradually coming to an end, and I am also feeling the overwhelm of returning to professional work, as I transition away from teaching middle grades English to freelance writing. It's terrifying and feels like a free-fall and a tailspin.

The most heartwarming part of motherhood right now is delighting in my two-year-old daughter's expanding vocabulary and conversational skills. I'm also loving my four-year-old daughter's recent introspective thoughts and excellent questions as well as her heartfelt "Thank yous" and "I love yous."

The most frustrating part of motherhood right now is resisting the urge to dissociate. When big life changes happen, for me, I automatically dissociate. So, in this time of transition, I'm constantly telling myself to be present, to be mindful.

Thanks, Emma, for giving us the opportunity to share and connect!

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