Wow I found Ellie’s account and unspoken words about motherhood so powerful in their vulnerability. Thank you Ellie for speaking to all of these things. It is SO hard, the hardest work I have ever done and yes it is so unseen and of little value in society. Instead value is placed on getting ‘back to normal’ and on external/career-driven achievements. Anyway yes it feels hard because it is hard and we are expected to mother in a way that we were never supposed to (often alone with children for much of the time) xx
It’s wild isn’t it. That raising your own child has no value to society! It often feels like we are just seen as vessels. Praised while pregnant then once the baby arrives it’s all, get skinny and get back to work. “Contribute” to society. But raising children is literally the greatest thing we can contribute to society.
Wild for sure. Yes that is what really gets me, even the government policies here that aim to 'help mothers back to work' completely overlook the fact that we ARE working (unpaid) and possibly doing the most important thing we can for our children and society, as you say! xx
We have two sweet babies under four. I always thought we would have more. Lots and lots more. But life has been so hard these past four years, and I’m not sure there are going to be more littles. I’m grieving this turn of events too. Thank you for sharing, Ellie.
Oh Ellie, I relate so so much to your sharing, the relationship changes, the ‘what’s wrong with me for finding it so hard?’ And the grief of much sense of disappointment and loss.
Thank you for this brave share, it’s comforting to hear, I hope it’s brought some relief to you to share these parts of your story. X
All of this. ALL OF THIS. Thank you for articulating the difficulties and endurance needed for these incredibly intense WTF, why didn’t my own mother talk to me about how hard this would be, children at home all day ground hog days, lovers to pissy room mates just co-parents now WHO EVEN AM I, fuck you society and your patriarchal capitalist scripts that I didn’t realise I had completely devoured, aghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…… Thank god we have this space to be honest and supportive and feel seen in our Matrescence 🙌🏼 xxxxxx
Love the honesty of this Ellie. Thank you for sharing. I’m sure others will find comfort in your words as I did.
I think the relationship shift is something people only talk about if they divorce or separate and it’s much harder to be open about it otherwise. I agree the shift is seismic and I often wish we knew how to deal with it better rather than hope that “it gets easier” as they get older, which of course we know isn’t all that true.
Oh Ellie you have no idea how grateful I am for you. For these words and for the endless love and support you have given me over the last few years. I feel so held and seen by you in your words always, but these just hit even deeper. So so so much of it I can feel in my bones. You are truly magnificent, and Emma you are too, I’m so grateful for you bringing this series to life. Xxx
Thank you for introducing me virtually to Ellie. Her words always speak to me. I cannot wait to share what she wrote for the Motherhood Musings series…just wow.
Ellie, thank you for sharing so honestly. It honestly shocked me when I became a mum, how little value was given to mothers. If you’re (like me) a stay at home mum you’re freeloading and not pulling your weight and need to find a side hustle asap. Or if you’re a working mum then you don’t care enough. The general messages filter down through the top. Getting my husband to value motherhood has been the hardest journey for me and we are still not there and it has killed all romance.
I also had a child who rarely slept and I’ve gone through the last 4 years as a zombie and it impacts you in all aspects of your life. I’m glad the sleep is improving now. You are not alone in finding motherhood hard. X
Wow I found Ellie’s account and unspoken words about motherhood so powerful in their vulnerability. Thank you Ellie for speaking to all of these things. It is SO hard, the hardest work I have ever done and yes it is so unseen and of little value in society. Instead value is placed on getting ‘back to normal’ and on external/career-driven achievements. Anyway yes it feels hard because it is hard and we are expected to mother in a way that we were never supposed to (often alone with children for much of the time) xx
It’s wild isn’t it. That raising your own child has no value to society! It often feels like we are just seen as vessels. Praised while pregnant then once the baby arrives it’s all, get skinny and get back to work. “Contribute” to society. But raising children is literally the greatest thing we can contribute to society.
Wild for sure. Yes that is what really gets me, even the government policies here that aim to 'help mothers back to work' completely overlook the fact that we ARE working (unpaid) and possibly doing the most important thing we can for our children and society, as you say! xx
We have two sweet babies under four. I always thought we would have more. Lots and lots more. But life has been so hard these past four years, and I’m not sure there are going to be more littles. I’m grieving this turn of events too. Thank you for sharing, Ellie.
I have two also and always imagined having more but I know my relationship could not survive more which is a hard pill to swallow.
PS here in Aus, matresence is used in speech all the time, especially where I live. The red dots need to wake up!
I LOVE THAT! I'm not shocked the US is behind, I wonder if I send in a support ticket to have the system recognize it!
Oh Ellie, I relate so so much to your sharing, the relationship changes, the ‘what’s wrong with me for finding it so hard?’ And the grief of much sense of disappointment and loss.
Thank you for this brave share, it’s comforting to hear, I hope it’s brought some relief to you to share these parts of your story. X
All of this. ALL OF THIS. Thank you for articulating the difficulties and endurance needed for these incredibly intense WTF, why didn’t my own mother talk to me about how hard this would be, children at home all day ground hog days, lovers to pissy room mates just co-parents now WHO EVEN AM I, fuck you society and your patriarchal capitalist scripts that I didn’t realise I had completely devoured, aghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…… Thank god we have this space to be honest and supportive and feel seen in our Matrescence 🙌🏼 xxxxxx
❤️❤️❤️
Katie come share you unspoken words PLEASE!
Love the honesty of this Ellie. Thank you for sharing. I’m sure others will find comfort in your words as I did.
I think the relationship shift is something people only talk about if they divorce or separate and it’s much harder to be open about it otherwise. I agree the shift is seismic and I often wish we knew how to deal with it better rather than hope that “it gets easier” as they get older, which of course we know isn’t all that true.
Such a raw vulnerable post. I love the spring analogy, gives me hope. Thank you for sharing Ellie.
Oh Ellie you have no idea how grateful I am for you. For these words and for the endless love and support you have given me over the last few years. I feel so held and seen by you in your words always, but these just hit even deeper. So so so much of it I can feel in my bones. You are truly magnificent, and Emma you are too, I’m so grateful for you bringing this series to life. Xxx
Thank you for introducing me virtually to Ellie. Her words always speak to me. I cannot wait to share what she wrote for the Motherhood Musings series…just wow.
Eeeek can’t wait either!! Am I too late for that series? I feel like I’ve been in a cave and only just emerging!! 🤣
I closed the form yesterday, BUT I am happy to send you out the questions in a message…I have someone else who couldn’t make it in time either!
Oh yes please lovely! Sorry my brain missed it xx
I’m dropping it in an email :)
Received thank you so much xxx
So grateful for you too Lauren ❤️❤️❤️ You have been such a wise, honest and vulnerable friend and guide through this journey xxx
The grief of motherhood is so unspoken and not just in terms of the obvious things but also sometimes it feels like in loss of our voices
I feel this so much, it is why I wanted to start this series to voice the unspoken and also flex the muscle of talking about what is hard.
I’ll be submitting my notes soon to you!
I cannot wait! I have a backlog of 5 before you, so no rush :)
Ellie, thank you for sharing so honestly. It honestly shocked me when I became a mum, how little value was given to mothers. If you’re (like me) a stay at home mum you’re freeloading and not pulling your weight and need to find a side hustle asap. Or if you’re a working mum then you don’t care enough. The general messages filter down through the top. Getting my husband to value motherhood has been the hardest journey for me and we are still not there and it has killed all romance.
I also had a child who rarely slept and I’ve gone through the last 4 years as a zombie and it impacts you in all aspects of your life. I’m glad the sleep is improving now. You are not alone in finding motherhood hard. X