This is where we start

An introduction to me and an exploration of being in service to the mother in this next season of Being in Motherhood.

Welcome to Being in Motherhood, my name is Emma Del Rey, and I invite you into a moment of stillness before you read. Place a hand over your heart, take a deep breath in through your nose, and exhale through your mouth. Take another deep breath, then another. Let’s begin.

When I birthed this space, my intention was to share my words about being in motherhood. Quickly, this space evolved into a place where other mother’s come to share their words and see themselves reflected in the experiences and stories of other mothers. As I have watched this unfold, a desire has arose in me, I want to move deeper into being in service to the mother.

When I was lost in the dark woods of early motherhood, what started to move my life in a different direction was admitting I had a self to take care of and tend to. The more I took care of myself, the more I watched my life shift around me.

And before you think I am about to preach about self-care, time alone, or bubble baths, none of those things are what I am referring to (although all are welcomed). What I am talking about is facing the truth of our experiences.

My whole life I believed I did not matter, I organized my life around this belief. Motherhood exacerbated this tendency, it raised many mental health issues, and only when I decided to face this belief did things change.

I started to organized my life around a different principle, I do matter, my well-being matters. This started as an effort to be a better mother to my son, and it grew into me truly believing I matter, my desires matter, and I have a right to pursue them.

We all have some principle we organize our life around. Charlotte Joko Beck, a teacher whose talks and books I am reading and holding close to my heart, calls it our core belief and how we adapt to life because of that belief is what she calls, our basic strategy. In my own words…

The core belief it is what we find to be most wrong about us. We do not want to feel into our core belief and the pain it stemmed from, so we develop a basic strategy (or many different strategies). A way (or ways) of being in the world that protect us from feeling the devastation of our core belief. These protections show up in motherhood, relationships, work, and most areas of life.

We all have some belief and practice to uphold that core belief in our lives. We all have pain we want to avoid facing. We all have ways we developed, usually in childhood, to keep this pain at bay. These protection strategies became a way to handle pain and discomfort in life.

I want to hold space for you as you face your pain and explore how you keep it at a distance. Because facing this pain and the protection we chose is what starts to unravel the shell around us and allows us to welcome in more freedom and ease.

This is my wish for you.

This is my wish for each mother who enters this space.

This is how I wish to be in service to the mother.

I desire to hold the space for you to feel your experiences in the present moment and face whatever is arising within you. Because this is how we start to build a relationship with ourselves and the present moment. This is how we shift out of the core belief and basic strategy and into our truest selves. This is how we begin to nourish ourselves and our lives with meaning, intention, and purpose.

Who am I?

I am (almost) 30 years old, I live in southern town in the United States. I was drawn to this place for college, I left for a few years, and I felt the pull to return. I live with my husband, my son (almost 2.5 years old), and our dog. Being outside, immersed in nature, whether it is my backyard or deep in the forrest, is where I feel most settled inside myself.

I grew up in a dysfunctional home, my mother struggled with mental illness and my father passed away when I was 12 years old. Through the years, I endured layers of trauma and abuse. I found ways to survive and developed an intimate relationship with alcohol when I was 14 years old. I did not have many passions or interests growing up, because I spent my energy trying to keep it all together. The only thing I remember loving is writing.

I stumbled into my twenties carrying anxiety, depression and alcoholism on my back, and graduated college with a degree in psychology. I have forever been drawn to the way the mind works because as a child, I could not understand what my mother was experiencing.

After college, I went to law school on the other side of the country. One day on a walk, something shifted deep inside me. It is hard to describe any sort of spiritual experience, it was like some sort of space started to open inside my body. I started to feel a sense of potential about my existence, I started to feel there maybe something more to my life than bleak, dark days.

I had been practicing yoga for a few years, and at this point I started to sit and wrestle with meditation. I turned to spiritual texts and self-help books. A voice rose up inside me and told me I had to move back home and leave law school, from this decision I started my path as a seeker. I listened, and I thought about a career as a teacher because I loved being with children. Ultimately, I chose to start walking the route of space holding and how to serve others.

Adventures I had in my twenties and life before motherhood...

Being a space holder

I chose to be a coach and many times found myself face to face with people sharing their deepest secrets and darkest pain. I did not know how to hold such intensity, and yet it kept finding me. My uneasiness grew and I started to pursue different avenues to hold space in the way the people who felt drawn to me were needing.

I completed my yoga teacher training and my level 1 & 2 reiki training, I studied with many different coaches (some horrible, some life giving), I completed an astrology training, I completed a trauma-informed coaching program, and finally I completed two years of graduate level counseling at Buddhist school with a strong emphasis on mindfulness techniques. I paused school when my mental health needed attention a year into my son’s life.

My most influential and continued teachers over the years have been Elena Brower, Pixie Lighthorse, and Chrissy Marie. More recently I have been learning from and connecting with Mollie Birney.

I see now, I spent each year searching, learning, reading, and growing to be this version of myself. And while those choices shaped me and how I hold space, I find the greatest indicator of why I want to deepen my service to mothers is the journey I went on with my mental health after my son was born.

I went from being curled up on the closet floor knowing the next time I wouldn’t make it through another PTSD episode to writing, expressing myself, and longing to be of service. The decade of studying and learning helped me when I chose to take my own healing seriously, admit I was struggling, and tell a different story about my life: I do matter.

I long to hold space for the mother, to listen to her, to guide her as she witnesses her pain, her truth, and her experiences.

Photos from the early days with my son...

Being held in this space

I root this publication and my work into these values:

connection, depth, honesty, and nourishment.

Creating and sustaining connections is of the utmost importance to me. I want you to find other mother’s through this space, I want you to read my words and those of other mother’s to know there are other mothers out there having experiences similar to yours. I will be starting monthly threads for us to connect and share our experiences. Our world feels more isolating than ever, this space is rooted in helping you feel less alone.

Depth is my heart’s work. I am tired of shying away from it. It is part of being a space holder, it is natural to me (all that Scorpio energy I suppose) and I long to hold what is hard for you to say because I have been there. Going deep does not necessarily mean dark or painful. When I think about depth, I think about telling the truth. I also think about feeling whatever is present and being inside of my experience. When I prioritize both of these things, I feel depth inside my being.

Honesty goes hand in hand with depth. You will see this reflected in my words and in the words of other mother’s shared here. I believe telling the truth is the fastest way to integrity and loosening the grip of our core belief. Here, we speak about what is hard, what is unspoken, and what keeps us up in the middle of the night. Truth is paramount and essential to foster depth and connection.

Finally, nourishment. This is where I am longing to weave in more ways to support you, support the mothers. Nourishing ourselves is about taking care of ourselves. Again, not with bubble baths or momentary pleasures (those have their place), but with self-inquiry. By asking ourselves what is here, what is present, what needs attention and responding to our needs. This is another way we start to pull ourselves out of the core belief, we treat ourselves like someone who matters and who is lovable.

How to involve yourself in the community

Submissions Process

If you are longing to share your own words and experiences of motherhood, you can read more about submissions. These are opportunities for you to tell your stories and ask your questions about motherhood and its surrounding topics. Nothing is held back, nothing is not explored, we journey it all together.

You can read the Unspoken Words series here.

You can read the Motherhood Musing series here.

Membership

If you long to be held in meaningful connection with yourself and other mothers, read more about the membership here.

My intention is to hold space for you to explore nourishing yourself. Each month, we gather to explore a theme and share our experiences. I hold space for us as we explore nourishing ourselves in motherhood with our own attention. I create a sacred container as we reconnect with ourselves and how we experience the present moment.

Kind words from others

“Mothers supporting mothers. Everyday. Always.”

- LeAnna Bricker

“It's a beautiful space to contemplate breaking the generational cycle of parenting, not only for our children, but also for ourselves.”

- Aleksandra Balazy-Knas

“I cannot express how much Emma's words soothe and support me as I journey with Motherhood. I am so grateful for her honest expression and the presence she brings.”

- Lauren Barber

“Emma is one of the bravest writers I've come across. Each time I read a post I'm blown away by her loyalty to truth, even when it hurts to hear. Emma's interviews with other mothers are essential reading for all mothers, in my opinion.”

- Sarina Zoe

“Being in Motherhood is a safe place to share from the wilds of mothering, with support from Emma. Emma writes of her experiences generously and wholeheartedly allowing space for others to share their stories too. It feels nourishing to be in company of others navigating a similar life chapter in a way that excavates the often unexpected depths of the mothering experience and provides a path to healing in its community too.”

- Lyndsay Kaldor

In Being in Motherhood, Emma shares her own honest experiences and those of other mothers, and I have found it such a relief to read that other people have had such similar experiences to me. Since I gave birth to my son in November 2020, I've often believed there is something wrong with me for finding motherhood so hard. Reading Being in Motherhood helps me to know that I am not alone and there is nothing wrong with me. Emma also shares ideas and practises like meditation and self-compassion to support ourselves as mothers. I often forget to bring these practices into my life so I really appreciate these reminders!

- Ellie Nova

I blown away by the loving support of this community. Thank you for holding me and each other as we journey through motherhood together. Comment on this thread to connect with others and introduce yourself.

Thank you, again.

Love,

Emma