My childhood was different than yours, but I still saw some of myself in the controlling behavior. Early on in my life as SAHM, I realized if I controlled the days schedule or activities I was more able to cope with it all. I based when we went outside or whether we went to a playground or other social event on my energy level. Some of it still seems practical—we tend to go out in mornings in summer and in afternoons in winter because I knew I would be less grumpy outside of the temperatures were reasonable. Sometimes I said/say no to my kids simply because the thought of me having to pick up the mess resulting from what they are asking to do feels like too much. As they’ve grown, it’s pitted their needs against mine sometimes. I still haven’t completely solved it. I’ve started to let go, realizing that living with older kids is more like living with roommates—people with different interests and lives under one roof. But I still say no sometimes just because I think I’ll be inconvenienced and I’m too low energy. I still bristle when I think they’re taking too long to do what I asked (like put on outdoor clothes). I think it’s part of most people’s parenthoods— we go from controlling as much as we can in the name of safety and sanity and then as they grow we have to adapt to letting go of a bit more over and over. I’m not sure it will ever feel easy.
Thank you for your vulnerability in this post: these are big feelings to share and I appreciate your sharing because so many of your words resonate with my own experience. I find so much comfort in hearing others’ stories of wrestling with things similar to what I am going through / have gone through.
These words in particular got to me: ‘you cannot love someone and control them at the same time’. I find myself doing this all the time, and feel so challenged to change this as I read your words. Thank you 🥰
You are so welcome. I’m not sure where I first heard that idea but it so true. I find control to be more natural for me and I’m trying to shift out of it.
Your reflection resonated deeply with me. The way you share your journey from childhood fear to adult attempts at control struck a chord. It's incredible how many of us grapple with similar patterns. Your insights about trusting oneself and others, especially in parenting, are bang on! This piece serves as a powerful reminder to sit with discomfort, let go of control, and embrace the flow of life. Thank you for sharing your vulnerability and wisdom. <3
A fantastic post Emma, it's brought up a lot of emotions and thoughts for me. I too try to control a lot, too much, because I feel like if I'm in control of everything and everyone then that's maybe me trying to make things more predictable. Because my childhood was so unpredictable and I couldn't control what was happening, I think my control issues are probably from then. But I've realised that by trying to control my husband and my kids, not only is it detrimental to my relationship with them but it's bloody exhausting too. Like you said, it's about trusting them and trusting ourselves more. X
It is so exhausting trying to be in control of other people, I have much more energy when I let everyone be, including the dog. I often find myself fight against what is in hopes that I can change it so I feel safe. Thank you for sharing your perspective!
My childhood was different than yours, but I still saw some of myself in the controlling behavior. Early on in my life as SAHM, I realized if I controlled the days schedule or activities I was more able to cope with it all. I based when we went outside or whether we went to a playground or other social event on my energy level. Some of it still seems practical—we tend to go out in mornings in summer and in afternoons in winter because I knew I would be less grumpy outside of the temperatures were reasonable. Sometimes I said/say no to my kids simply because the thought of me having to pick up the mess resulting from what they are asking to do feels like too much. As they’ve grown, it’s pitted their needs against mine sometimes. I still haven’t completely solved it. I’ve started to let go, realizing that living with older kids is more like living with roommates—people with different interests and lives under one roof. But I still say no sometimes just because I think I’ll be inconvenienced and I’m too low energy. I still bristle when I think they’re taking too long to do what I asked (like put on outdoor clothes). I think it’s part of most people’s parenthoods— we go from controlling as much as we can in the name of safety and sanity and then as they grow we have to adapt to letting go of a bit more over and over. I’m not sure it will ever feel easy.
That is so true, we go from controlling in the name of safety and then learning how to let it go. Thank you for sharing your honest experiences!
Wow, this resonated so much, will come back and read this again when I have energy to make a longer comment, you touches in so much! ❤️🙏
Thank you for your vulnerability in this post: these are big feelings to share and I appreciate your sharing because so many of your words resonate with my own experience. I find so much comfort in hearing others’ stories of wrestling with things similar to what I am going through / have gone through.
These words in particular got to me: ‘you cannot love someone and control them at the same time’. I find myself doing this all the time, and feel so challenged to change this as I read your words. Thank you 🥰
You are so welcome. I’m not sure where I first heard that idea but it so true. I find control to be more natural for me and I’m trying to shift out of it.
Your reflection resonated deeply with me. The way you share your journey from childhood fear to adult attempts at control struck a chord. It's incredible how many of us grapple with similar patterns. Your insights about trusting oneself and others, especially in parenting, are bang on! This piece serves as a powerful reminder to sit with discomfort, let go of control, and embrace the flow of life. Thank you for sharing your vulnerability and wisdom. <3
Thank you for your wise and beautiful reflections! You are welcome for sharing.
A fantastic post Emma, it's brought up a lot of emotions and thoughts for me. I too try to control a lot, too much, because I feel like if I'm in control of everything and everyone then that's maybe me trying to make things more predictable. Because my childhood was so unpredictable and I couldn't control what was happening, I think my control issues are probably from then. But I've realised that by trying to control my husband and my kids, not only is it detrimental to my relationship with them but it's bloody exhausting too. Like you said, it's about trusting them and trusting ourselves more. X
It is so exhausting trying to be in control of other people, I have much more energy when I let everyone be, including the dog. I often find myself fight against what is in hopes that I can change it so I feel safe. Thank you for sharing your perspective!