For my fellow writers & mothers...

A short reflection on how it may be okay to do one more thing before your write.

Welcome to Being in Motherhood. I hope this writing finds you when you need it. Thank you for being here. If you are new here, I invite you to read this first and if you want to learn more about me, Emma, read this. Here, I explore mothering, healing, breaking cycles, and learning what it means to be ourselves in motherhood.

I started a thread/chat this morning on Substack, introducing myself and inviting you to do the same. I want to offer opportunities for deeper connection with me and with other mothers. You can find the thread here.

Most mornings, my husband and I make space for me to write. I have noticed I have gotten into an unhealthy habit with how I approach my writing. I rush to get there. Any time I am given space to write, I move quickly and often spill my coffee on the way.

I have noticed writing has taken up all my free time.

I am not complaining, I love to write but it is starting to feel rigid and like work. Technically, writing is not my work…raising my son and my job that helps pay our bills comes first.

And I am a writer, I have books in me, I know this is something I want to pursue.

Every established writer will tell you about discipline. You need to sit down every day, at the same time, in your dedicated writing space and write. You do not get up, you stay put, you stop putting things before your writing and avoiding the task at hand. The only way you become a writer is by sitting your ass in the chair and writing.

I believe Anne Lamott said something like, stop doing one more thing before you write. I cannot find the exact quote. Regardless, I took it to heart because I will do everything else when I am given space to write. The dishes, the laundry, picking up the toys, checking my email, responding to Substack notifications.

But not today.

My husband and son left the house and I took a shower. I hate the feeling of rushing. And I promised myself this morning, I would move slowly before I wrote. Instead of trying to get everything done before my family left, I let things linger. I took a shower AND THEN made coffee before I sat down to write.

This contradicts the great Anne Lamott. I understand what she meant and most likely where she was coming from. Writing has to be a priority if we want to write consistently. But there is one priority I hold above all - ease in my body.

Sometimes doing one more thing before I write grants me ease. Sometimes I am overflowing with inspiration and ideas, it does not even occur to do one more thing and when I am granted the space, I write.

I am realizing how the energy I bring to my writing is important. I did not have any ideas or thoughts about what to write this morning, I figured I would because I usually do. And when I took the space to slow down and be with myself and move through some mundane tasks, all of these words start rising in me. I started wondering…

Why am I so quick to write even when I do not feel inclined? Do I not trust myself to follow my inspiration? What happens if I take space to be before I write?

I do not want to approach my writing with exhaustion or dryness or disconnectedness. I want to feel inspired and allow the words to flow through me with ease.

AND I understand the need for discipline.

AND I need to consider the season of life I am.

I am home with my son, I also work from home and my partner works from home. My son is almost two years old, he has a lot of needs because he is small.

While I am always encouraging mothers to pursue their passions, I hold realistic expectations in this season of my life. I am working on a book, slowly, but surely. I am showing up here, consistently. I am writing daily in some form or another. I am committed to my craft and I know I may have more space later on in life.

This does not mean I will stop working on my writing now, but I am going to stop holding the advice of established authors so tightly.

It is not easy for me to write at the same time every day, I try hard but sometimes my other priorities have to come first. I definitely do not have an established writing space. Sometimes I sit at our desk which is used for many things, sometimes I sit on the couch, sometimes I am outside on the deck. Sometimes I have to stop writing to tend to something else in my life.

These things do not make me any less of a writer. They remind me I am a mother. They remind me I have a day job. They remind me there are other things that need my attention.

Someday my son will be bigger, more independent, in school, and my mornings may become mine again. Then, I will have to work on making my ass stay in the chair for my writing time.

For now, I let it flow.

I write when I feel like I cannot contain the words inside my being. Sometimes that means I can find my computer and type, sometimes I start a draft on my phone. Sometimes I sit down each morning and write. Sometimes I do not touch my book for weeks.

I am learning more and more about surrendering to my own process. What it mean to live in my body and to feel grounded before I write. Taking each free moment I have to write often leaves me feel ungrounded. It brings a weird energy to what I am doing. I want to sit down to write with a feeling of ease and grace.

That does not mean my words flow with ease and grace, but I am holding the energy of being in my body.

So, I welcome you to do one more thing before you write.

One more thing if it means it will leave you feel more grounded, open, and resourced to let your words flow.

I invite you to not do one more thing if it will leave you stressed, annoyed, or edgy.

Often space as mothers is rare, I share these reflections as a reminder to myself, and you, that space is for whatever we need.

Even if we have passions that need tending to, we are allowed to tend to ourselves first.

Just like we cannot pour from an empty cup when it comes to our children, we cannot tend to our passions and desires without space and energy to do so.

Go write. Go mother. Go tend to yourself.

Start with what is present and go from there.

Love,

Emma

Thank you for reading!

Share with me in the comments or reply to this email what moved through you as you read…what is your relationship to your writing? how do you make space for your creativity? how do you trust the season of life you are in?

If you know someone who is on the journey of motherhood and healing, please share this with them. It means everything to me when you share my work with someone you love and who could benefit from reading it.

Recent writings you might have missed…

• A fear you’ll find me out - and burn me at the stake

• Unspoken Words: Volume 3 - sharing mothers experiences of what is hard for them in this season of motherhood.

• The endless grief of motherhood - exploring grief, shame, and being pulled apart by desires.

• A call to action for all mothers - an invitation to stop justifying our love for our child(ren) after we tell the truth about motherhood.