We really should, as a culture, celebrate this insane initiation. Heartbreaking how it’s just sort of treated as an ordinary aside. I so agree—into the absolute depths we go. And we’d all do well to revere the intensity of that. Might we then have a whole society that celebrates nurture and non-avoidance?
Yes, next kid I am celebrating this insane initiation way more. Because I am assuming with more than one (tell me if I am wrong), it all gets deeper! Maybe it all stems from looking away right here, when someone is about to go through this massive initiation and we have no respect or empathy for it. What then?!
Such wisdom here. I, too, have felt the need to prepare other mothers, but you are so right; it is initiation into ourselves. Therefore, we must walk alone (in many ways). Thank you. Saving this for later.
I used to teach pregnancy yoga and although there were lots of things that I wished I could impart to the women there, so much of their focus was on birth. I was as honest as I could be about the complete and utter transformation they were embarking on, but my words slid off somehow. Our culture doesn’t do a good job of supporting women to envision and celebrate matrescence in any shape or form. Writing like this helps us to get a glimpse though, Emma. Thank you.
Our culture does not do a good job of supporting women on the journey of matresence at all. It is so sad and I am glad to be able to give some voice to it!
Oh Emma yes - dark night of the soul sheeeesh. It lasted at least the first year for me. It all felt so unfair and brought so much rage alongside the fear of going into the wounds.
But as you say, turn inward, this always brings a relief, a tenderness to the most hurting parts.
I could never have imagined the darkness I had to face!
Yeah, I never could have imagined the darkneess, oof. It was intense for the first year. But it eased the more I was willing to look within at what was hurting so much.
I feel exactly the same, Emma, when I meet up with friends being pregnant for the first time. I think there is something sacred about the first pregnancy, about being in that 'bubble,' as you wrote, that it just feels so wrong and out of place for us to burst it. Because, as you said, initiation to motherhood for everyone looks different. It is hard for everyone, but the challenges have different faces for different people. I tend to stay close and really stay in touch in a non-annoying way postnatally, so they know I am there if they need.
I am trying to be so not annoying to my friend, and I offer support any way I can and she is willing to receive. I hope this helps her ask me for it when she really needs it because I am sure there will be a moment when she does. I did not have anyone to call when my son was born and I hope my presence helps my friend not have that experience! But you cannot burst the bubble and it is no one's job to, except that baby!
Oh I know this feeling so well… i get so excited to know that someone is going to be walking into the portal… but also I know how brutal it is… I want to hold and support but also have to trust their path. I remember someone saying stuff to me when I was pregnant with my first and I honestly had this impermeable shield around me… like I couldn’t absorb it and just felt like I was immune from the vastness of it all. Of course I was not… and it’s shaped me into the person I am today and that has been an amazing and excruciating journey all in one. Second time round it has been different… but a deeper initiation in many ways because my heart has now expanded to hold another and that feels so tender. Ooooof… initiation almost doesn’t even cover it!!!! Fabulous piece, thank you xxx
I remember when I was heavily pregnant my sister trying to tell me about all the laundry there would be. I got so angry at her. I didn’t want to know anything. I wanted to think about birth and meeting my baby and it’s all I had capacity for. I also think in a way this is good. Knowing how hard motherhood would be from the start of pregnancy would only lead to anxiety. Like you say, there is nothing we can do really to prepare. Every baby and every situation is so different. What we need is the support once we are in that place.
And ultimately we need from society a real reverence for motherhood.
Wow. This is powerful. I need to read this again and let it sink in. You are so right about the journey into motherhood being so personal. And one we have to turn inwards and walk alone, through the fire, through the dark, confront so many demons, greet so many joys - often in the same hour. Sometimes I worry I’m the only person in my family, my social circle that has been affected so profoundly by the transition to motherhood - and then I find comfort in words like these. Thank you 🤍
We really should, as a culture, celebrate this insane initiation. Heartbreaking how it’s just sort of treated as an ordinary aside. I so agree—into the absolute depths we go. And we’d all do well to revere the intensity of that. Might we then have a whole society that celebrates nurture and non-avoidance?
Yes, next kid I am celebrating this insane initiation way more. Because I am assuming with more than one (tell me if I am wrong), it all gets deeper! Maybe it all stems from looking away right here, when someone is about to go through this massive initiation and we have no respect or empathy for it. What then?!
Such wisdom here. I, too, have felt the need to prepare other mothers, but you are so right; it is initiation into ourselves. Therefore, we must walk alone (in many ways). Thank you. Saving this for later.
You are so welcome! ❤️
I used to teach pregnancy yoga and although there were lots of things that I wished I could impart to the women there, so much of their focus was on birth. I was as honest as I could be about the complete and utter transformation they were embarking on, but my words slid off somehow. Our culture doesn’t do a good job of supporting women to envision and celebrate matrescence in any shape or form. Writing like this helps us to get a glimpse though, Emma. Thank you.
Our culture does not do a good job of supporting women on the journey of matresence at all. It is so sad and I am glad to be able to give some voice to it!
So true, Emma, this is such a thoughtful piece thank you for writing it.
You are so welcome!
Oh Emma yes - dark night of the soul sheeeesh. It lasted at least the first year for me. It all felt so unfair and brought so much rage alongside the fear of going into the wounds.
But as you say, turn inward, this always brings a relief, a tenderness to the most hurting parts.
I could never have imagined the darkness I had to face!
Yeah, I never could have imagined the darkneess, oof. It was intense for the first year. But it eased the more I was willing to look within at what was hurting so much.
I feel exactly the same, Emma, when I meet up with friends being pregnant for the first time. I think there is something sacred about the first pregnancy, about being in that 'bubble,' as you wrote, that it just feels so wrong and out of place for us to burst it. Because, as you said, initiation to motherhood for everyone looks different. It is hard for everyone, but the challenges have different faces for different people. I tend to stay close and really stay in touch in a non-annoying way postnatally, so they know I am there if they need.
I am trying to be so not annoying to my friend, and I offer support any way I can and she is willing to receive. I hope this helps her ask me for it when she really needs it because I am sure there will be a moment when she does. I did not have anyone to call when my son was born and I hope my presence helps my friend not have that experience! But you cannot burst the bubble and it is no one's job to, except that baby!
Oh I know this feeling so well… i get so excited to know that someone is going to be walking into the portal… but also I know how brutal it is… I want to hold and support but also have to trust their path. I remember someone saying stuff to me when I was pregnant with my first and I honestly had this impermeable shield around me… like I couldn’t absorb it and just felt like I was immune from the vastness of it all. Of course I was not… and it’s shaped me into the person I am today and that has been an amazing and excruciating journey all in one. Second time round it has been different… but a deeper initiation in many ways because my heart has now expanded to hold another and that feels so tender. Ooooof… initiation almost doesn’t even cover it!!!! Fabulous piece, thank you xxx
Thank you for sharing! It definitely felt like an impermeable shield for me too, I think it is impossible to understand the vastness of it all.
I remember when I was heavily pregnant my sister trying to tell me about all the laundry there would be. I got so angry at her. I didn’t want to know anything. I wanted to think about birth and meeting my baby and it’s all I had capacity for. I also think in a way this is good. Knowing how hard motherhood would be from the start of pregnancy would only lead to anxiety. Like you say, there is nothing we can do really to prepare. Every baby and every situation is so different. What we need is the support once we are in that place.
And ultimately we need from society a real reverence for motherhood.
Completely agree, we need more reverence from society around becoming and being a mother!
Wow. This is powerful. I need to read this again and let it sink in. You are so right about the journey into motherhood being so personal. And one we have to turn inwards and walk alone, through the fire, through the dark, confront so many demons, greet so many joys - often in the same hour. Sometimes I worry I’m the only person in my family, my social circle that has been affected so profoundly by the transition to motherhood - and then I find comfort in words like these. Thank you 🤍
You are welcome, I often feel alone and like I’m the only one who feels so affected by becoming a mother. I’m glad my words bring comfort!