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Mothers@play by Leanne Cosser's avatar

This is such a beautiful share, thank you so much. I remember that times so well when my children were small of trying to savour and enjoy every last second but also worrying about a loss of self and what that means for me, which prevents you from leaning into the experience of motherhood. After many battles and judgements, both internal and external I gave up work to be a stay at home mum but it never sat completely comfortably. Your thoughts about doing it your own way and taking your own path also resonate with me as eventually I chose to home educate my two, now ages 13 and 11. I can say the guilt of needing and wanting time to yourself never goes away. On the odd occasions I do take myself away, I instantly miss them and feel like I have rejected them and wish my time away until I am back with them. I constantly see things that I know they would love and wish they were there with me.

Your writing also spoke to me as I am just beginning to rebuild me in a new season of motherhood now my children are older in the hope of helping, as you are, to deal in the realities of motherhood. As a former midwife I am setting up Serenity Mums to offer pregnancy preparation classes that go further than just the mechanics and seeing labour and birth as the end. I want to really talk with women about the realities of not just birth but motherhood. I also want to hold pregnant/new mum and new parent circles so I can hold space for mother's (and sometimes fathers) to express all the feelings we feel so alone and guilty for having. So thank you again for your writing as it has helped to show me I am on the right path here, that these discussions and opportunities are needed and given me confidence as I go back out into the world as a new version of myself that has been changed by motherhood and the path it has put me on. Thank you x

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Christianna Joy Scott's avatar

Thank you for saying “I was angry” in a post about motherhood. I don’t know if I’ve ever read work putting both together. So often, we aren’t allowed to be angry, as mothers, and I wonder why. I’ve struggled a lot with anger in my PTSD. I didn’t realize how much I have been trying to stifle it, because I am a mother, until reading this. Knowing I’m not alone is—liberating. Thank you. Something for me to mull over...

Also, I infrequently have moments, too, where I realize: this is my life and I love it. Would not have it any other way. Something to hold onto, in the mundane, for sure.

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